WHO AM I

Today is 1-1-2014 a day of reflecting.
I woke up around 3 am today and was thinking what should I do today?
I guess I should update my blog, it might be time to do a review of the last year.
It has been almost a year since I packed up the little trailer to head to Arizona for the first time.

As the thought began to clear for me I thought I'd rather start the year off by taking a close look at myself and sharing it here with the world to see.

I am a Christian man, I am a husband, a father, a grandfather, a great-grandfather, a friend, I'm a gearhead who likes old school hotrods, I'm a Vietnam War Era Vet, I'm a Conservative Patriot, I'm a bit of a soft-core biker who rides a highly modified 900cc cafe racer, I'm a solo snowbird who wishes to be a full-time world traveler with my wife and I'm a Traumatic Brain Injury Survivor.


I'm a Christian and so grateful to god for his love and patience. I was a hard nut to crack, with tons of hate in my heart for him and all religious people. I hated being exposed to anything having to do with God..... yet.... he loved me enough to die for me!!!!

I could stop now or I could go on for days sharing God.

I'd like to expand some here, I'm so grateful for His love, for all the seeds that were placed for me that have lead me to to Him. I now love Him and I hope I  would easily give my life for Him in return. I'm grateful for the miracles he has granted to me. I'm grateful I have been able to see, understand and receive  said miracles.

I'm grateful for His Word which has so wonderfully taught me of Salvation, Grace and Hope. I now find myself living a life that for some strange reason I'm very content with....odd to think I'm content with a life full of disappointment, pain and isolation, but I am and I am enjoying my life today.

I'm a Christian who wears this cross proudly.

My cross was a gift I gave myself this year. It is a symbol to me and others of my love to God. I lost my last one and have been hinting for years to my family that I need a new one. I found one at a rest stop in Nevada that I could live with, it broke so I had a friend Donna change it a bit to my liking and as she put it it's much more manly.....I hope it is strong enough to hold together.


I'm a husband to Sandra....she is no the first woman I have been married to, but she is the first woman I have been a husband to.

I have believed since our first date that God would make this a marriage unlike my others. I can not really explain it other than to say I have trusted God would play a part in our relationship and he has. Sandy and I have done many things wrong in our relationship and we have lived through some very difficult things together, we have grown together and apart and back together over the years. So here we are separated due to my health at a time when for the first time in our relationship we would rather be together.

I am a father/stepfather/father-in-law.....I do not like to think of myself in any way other than a father, step and in law just seem like a wall to love.

I have children who are a daily part of my life and I have children who have been removed from my life for different reasons......all I can say about that is that it breaks my heart more than I can ever say.....my greatest failures in my life are the broken relationships with my children. If I had a way to restore them I would.

As far as the relationships that have survived I can never tell you how grateful I am for them and the love I receive. I know I seem cold or distant both in person and on the phone, but it is not my intention......the lines of communication, our conversations mean everything to me. Hugs and phone calls are difficult for me due to the TBI, yet they are the most valued.

My role as a grandfather and great grandfather is one of great joy, I love watching them grow, I love the far to few hugs and cuddles. Once again TBI has such a tremendously negative effect on our relationships, I only pray them understand I love them so much more than I am able to show. I would love to give all their names here, but I can think of many reasons not to do that.....what a sad world we live in today.

As a friend I am extremely proud of the decades long friendships I have been blessed with Paul and Mary go all the way back to grade school, Tony I met in high school and we became friends when we realized we both knew what a 34 Ford  was.....we have both owned at least one 34 Ford over the years. Jimmy and I met 40 or so years ago when I was invited to join a new car club he was involved in forming.....I am considered a founding member of that club....Wasatch Rods and Customs. I have the same limitations with friendship relationships as any other relationship. I do ok short term, but the long term get tuff. Some have been able to look past the changes in my personality, the limits and difficulties TBI has given us. The few who have given me unconditional love have given me so much......all I can do is say thank you and I love you.

My life has been full of motorized vehicles, so many that I have considered writing a book titled "The Cars I Have Known"......it would be a very long book. My love of old cars started at a very young age.....my father and uncles were hot rodders way back in the 50's. My mother told me my first word was truck......like my grandson Dino!!!!

This truck was owned by both my dad and my uncle Steve....I'm standing just above the rear tire with no shirt in the top photo.

I have owned many of the cars every car nut dreams of....41 Willys, Henry J Gasser, Fords from 8 decades (1920-1990), Packard, Jag, MG, BMW,Saab, VW,Chevy, Nash, Rambler and so many more have sat on my driveway (My daughter Randi's driveway has stored too many of my cars..lol...thanks Matt) In fact Randi and Matt are storing my BMW, Crossfire, 1926 Salt Racer, 3 trailers and more than a few tractors leaving them with no way to park their own cars in the garage out of the snow.

I learned to ride at a very young age....my father had a Indian Scout when I was about 4 years old....my mother was one of the first women in Utah to own and ride her own bike. She even had a few years where she rode with an outlaw bike club.....I used to ride with the club and even got to ride her bike in the pack a few time while I was in jr. high. I have owned many motorcycles over the years.....Honda, Yamaha, Norton, Harley, Suzuki, Kawasaki, BSA, Truimph even a tot-goat.

If you look back at the last year on this blog you will see that I'm traveling with a 5th wheel trailer.....it is very comfortable with a big slid-out, big solar, big battery pack, and many electronic toys to help me pass the time. I'm really pretty spoiled, much more than I deserve.....I would down size and make thing simpler if I thought I had no chance of having Sandy join me soon. Life is pretty good.

10 years ago I was involved in a auto accident. I do not know if Sandy and I have ever told the whole truth as to what that was like.....Sandy has never wanted to share with everyone all that has happened.
I on the other hand would like others to gain something from what I (we.....really most everyone who is a part of my life have had a lot to deal with in one way or another from the TBI.....it really changed things!!!)

The day after the accident I was not able to come up with names of many things....refrigerator, katsup, my children's names. I had now idea where I lived, where the laundry was, that I owned a washer and drier...Sandy could tell something was wrong and I could tell she was as scarred as I was as she tried to think of something that might jog my memory. The doctor I went to was a man looking to retire....he did nothing but cause us much trouble that lasted for years.....not to mention the fact that my recovery may have been much better had I received proper treatment right away.

I have made tremendous improvements in my recovery.....mostly by learning about TBI, learning copping skills, finding medication that helps rather than hurts.

I remember a on-line conversation I had years ago with a TBI survivor. I was telling her how grateful I was for all her understanding and help......she told me that some day I would be in the possition to help others......I found that hard to believe.....I was barely getting through the day.....suicide was a daily thought, my only prayers where that God would take me before I had so suffer one more day.

That was years ago and today things are much different.....I like my life, I look forward to what is to come, I have a great desire to help others just like my TBI friend told me I would......I have grown to accept my limitations and often find humor in the new me.

My greatest hope for this upcoming year is to make a difference for the better in someones life.....maybe a TBI survivor will gain some hope by watching my stories here on this blog.....maybe someone who has a TBI survivor in their life will gain some understanding of the effect TBI has on their life.....or a way to look differently at things. Maybe I can restore lost relationships.

I have gone from a man who made millions of dollars, some months I made over a million dollars a month, I have lost millions of dollars...today I am barely not poor....I have enough money to drive home and that is about it. I will have to sell some more of my stuff to finance next years adventures.

I have met so many interesting people....famous people, rich people, poor people......one thing my life has not had a shortage of was interesting people, animals and places.

I have flown at an elevation of 80,000 plus feet, I have been in a hot air balloon at 18,000 feet, I have suba dived to a ship wreck 95 feet below sea level( and drowned doing it). I witnessed the dawn of the satellite world working with a government spy unit. I dated the daughter of the president of a foreign  country. I watched the birth of my children and even the birth of one of my  grandchildren. I have known and loved war heros from at least 10 wars......I even knew a man who knew a Civil War Vet.....I love people old and young....the best memories I have are from taking the time to met someone new, having a conversation with someone different than myself.

Well I could go one for days.....lol

Please follow along, share and enjoy me adventure.

May God Bless you and yours this year!!!